It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
