I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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