I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
