I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
