I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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