Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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