Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
