I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
