there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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