I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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