just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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