I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
