god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
