I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
