My liver just broke up with me...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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