Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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