I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Girls should come with a carfax report
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
