I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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