maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
