and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
