so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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