also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it was like eating out sand paper
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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