8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
