I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
