2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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