dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
