He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
