WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
