Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
