she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize