Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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