You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
