Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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