Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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