Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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