You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I will pee on everything he values.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
