I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
