Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I need to calm my uterus...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I look excited, but its just a facade.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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