I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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