I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
