Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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