Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
