well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
organizing the empties. That sober.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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