Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
