put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
3 2 1 whiskey
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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