he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
