I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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