Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
