I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Randomize
