hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
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